If you’re looking for effective child discipline methods, you’ve certainly got a few to choose from. By now, you already know that some methods work exquisitely well with certain children and fail miserably with others.  You may even wonder how one or more of your children could possibly have been born from you!

With that in mind, the first crucial consideration in choosing a discipline method is how likely the child in question is to test your boundaries.  One child will obey your every parental ruling with a quiet whimper while another will seize each opportunity anew to see just how serious you are.  With no special shutdown maneuvers of your own, be prepared to endure such a child’s full arsenal of ankle-biting and tantrum-throwing before submitting to the inevitable.

But isn’t there a way to short-circuit the crying and screaming before it ever starts, you ask?  Ahh, good question, because it turns out that there’s a highly effective child discipline method designed to do exactly that.

It’s called the 1-2-3 method, and it’s described in the bestselling book, 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.  It’s deceptively simple considering that it’s usually very effective.

The concept is to count obnoxious behavior aloud as it happens, after having an initial five- to ten-minute family meeting briefing your kids about your newest parenting tool (don’t expect much buy-in or any gratitude from them!).  After that, whenever your child does something you don’t want, you count it aloud.  So if your little son hits his kid sister, you hold up one finger and say calmly, “That’s 1.”  If your child then does it again or does something else objectionable like calling her names, you hold up two fingers and say, “That’s 2.”  Finally, if your child crosses the line once more, you say, “That’s 3, go take five.”

This means that they’ve struck out and need to go take a timeout in a specially designated place for however long you tell them.  The book authors suggest one minute for each year of life as a rough guideline, so five minutes would be for a child five years old.  And when the child comes out, you don’t mention anything about the behavior unless your child wants to talk about it.  Your job is to give him or her a blank slate, though you are entirely entitled to count more brash behavior as it occurs.  Get the idea?  See, we told you it was simple.

Of course, it won’t always work.  Nothing does.  Sometimes your children might be especially testy or maybe your significant other isn’t quite as consistent in counting the kids’ bad behavior as you are.  These are things that can be smoothed out with time with a little work.

On the other end of the spectrum, some children have temperaments that make it much harder for them to be flexible and to overcome frustration, so they can explode with rage almost regardless of what you do.  While these kids are more rare cases, that’s obviously irrelevant if you’ve got such a child in your house.  It’ll pay to have boundless compassion, since these children often do understand what the right things are to do in various circumstances.  They are simply unable to process the energies of their frustrations and flexibly adapt to the situations at hand, which can frustrate them even more.  These are tricky cases indeed, and that’s why we recommend you read The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, which explores precisely these issues and potential solutions in-depth.

Whether you’ve a kid like that or not, let’s all be thankful that resources now exist to help them.  And if your child is only in need of some good old-fashioned boundaries, you might just be 1-2-3 steps away from your new favorite and incredibly effective discipline method for children.

For more information on effective child discipline methods click here

As parents, we want to protect our children from everything. Unfortunately, there is a whole world of life experience out there that we can’t control.

One of the most difficult situations that every child faces eventually is grief. Grief can be the result of many events such as the loss of a family member, friend or pet, separation or divorce of parents, or a move to an unfamiliar town.

No matter what the cause of your child’s grief may be, his pain is real. He needs your support and wisdom now more than ever. At times like this, it can be hard to know how to help your child. Don’t panic if you feel a little lost in the situation, we’ve all been there.

Here are 5 basic ways to help your child cope with grief:

1. Listen and Share – It is very important that your child always knows he has your ear, especially now. Take the time to listen to what he has to say and encourage him to be open. Share a similar experience you had, how it made you feel, and how you got through it. In the event that your son’s grief stemmed from the loss of a person or pet, let him know that you are sad, too. You have to be strong for your child, but he also has to know that he’s not alone. Nothing feels worse when you are grieving than feeling like you are the only one that feels that way.

2. Reassure Him That This Is Not His Fault – Human nature often leads all of us to believe that there was something more that we could have done to prevent a situation. Adults have the capacity to reason through it and know, despite what our heart tells us, that sometimes, bad things happen and there is nothing that we could have done to stop it. Children simply are not wired that way.

If a child feels that he is somehow responsible for the event, he can harbor unimaginable pain, guilt and anger. If your son expresses that he feels guilty about what happened, it is of the utmost importance that you explain that you understand how he feels, but that it was absolutely not his fault.

3. Answer Question Honestly – Your child has questions. This is a time for sincerity and honesty, even if it’s hard. Children are still children and a little sugar-coating may be appropriate (some blunt realities are too heavy for young minds), but the bottom line should be straightforward and honest. Open concepts like “Grandma went on a long trip” may be a short term fix to the tears, but after a while, your child is going to want grandma to return, and when he finds out the truth, you risk the loss of his trust and respect.

4. Watch His Behavior – Grief, depression and stress can cause drastic behavior changes. Keep an eye on your child’s behavior. Early on, sadness, anger and confusion are common, expected and completely normal. If it has been 4 weeks since the event happened and your son still refuses to leave your side, this may be a red flag that he is still having an extremely hard time coping with the situation.

Pay close attention to long-term displays of the following behavior: nightmares, withdrawal, anger, separation anxiety, and behavior that would commonly be displayed by children younger than his age. If you are seeing a consistent pattern of these behaviors, you may want to consider professional assistance.

5. Find Positive Diversions – It is very easy for both adults and children to settle into a grief induced shut-down mode. Isolation isn’t good for anyone, especially a grieving child. Help him find ways to occupy his body and mind. Encourage physical activity or artful expression. You may meet some initial resistance, but in the long run, it will work wonders for him. Play with him at the park. Buy him a new art set. Help him get back into the things he enjoyed before this crisis hit.

As parents, there are times when we wish we could push a fast-forward button and move past painful and uncomfortable situations. Much to our collective chagrin, this isn’t an option. Openness, honesty and support are the key components to helping your child cope with grief.

Actively responding to your child’s sadness with the proper love and care, will strengthen your relationship and prevent ongoing hardships related to the event. While these situations are difficult to handle, they are also opportunities for your family to grow closer as a unit.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is a work from home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. She co-owns a freelance writing business, Profitable Prose, with her husband, Brock.  If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing.

ADHD is an acronym for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD is a behavioral problem that disrupts and delays normal development. Most often ADHD is diagnosed in children, but more adults are now increasingly being diagnosed with the problem.

ADHD is a chronic problem with no known cure. Almost all children who are diagnosed with ADHD continue to have the problem when they become adults. Those who are diagnosed with ADHD present a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity, forgetfulness, and poor impulse control. They are impulsive to the extreme and are easily distracted.

ADHD is not a modern disease. It’s been around a while. As a matter of fact, Hippocrates described ADHD in a patient back in 493 BC. In his writings, he described a patient as having “quickened responses to sensory experience, but also less tenaciousness because the soul moves on quickly to the next impression.” Hippocrates called the condition an “overbalance of fire over water.” Hippocrates treated the disorder by recommending “barley rather than wheat bread, fish rather than meat, water drinks, and many natural and diverse physical activities.”

Hippocrates might well have been onto something. Diet has long been considered as a contributing factor of ADHD, with researchers particularly concentrating on the ingestion of artificial food additives and food coloring.

Head injuries are also considered a contributing factor to ADHD.

There is a great deal of controversy about the diagnosing of and labeling of children with ADHD. Some say that the diagnosis of a brain disorder becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when the child views himself as “brain damaged.”

The treatment regime of a person who has been diagnosed as suffering from ADHD is most often a combination of medications, behavior modification, changes in lifestyle, and counseling.

More than twice as many boys are diagnosed with ADHD than girls. It’s unclear whether males are more susceptible to the problem, or whether girls are simply underdiagnosed.

Children afraid of the dark are quite common, indicating a healthily developing imagination and a growing awareness that the world does not revolve around them. ‘Tis the stuff dreams are made of—but nightmares too. It can be quite unnerving to realize that there are things beyond their control.

Sadly, adults often perceive these as irrational fears.

When the lights are turned out, your children can feel frightfully alone and vulnerable. Objects that, by day, are innocent and fun can be, by night, scary and menacing. So what can you do when your children wake in the middle of the night terrified that monsters lie in wait under their beds?

The best place to start is with a good lighthearted chat. Talk to your children about what’s scaring them without ridiculing them or dismissing their fears in any way. After all, whatever is frightening is very real in their minds. That’s why it can backfire to use imaginary characters to gain control during the day, as these can fuel the inventions of demons and monsters at night.

Once you have discussed whatever is frightening your child, comfort them once more with a reassurance of safety before turning off the light. Then again, you may wish to keep some sort of light on to give them a measure of power. You can use the room lights if you’ve got a dimmer, or you can buy a small nightlight. See what they prefer. Either way, there’s no better way than literally bringing light to the darkness to show your children that all is well.

Yet even then, smaller children may still be scared and sneak into your bed during the night to snuggle up with you. And while it can seem like a decent solution at first (heck, you’ll get more sleep!), it’s not a good idea to encourage your children to run away from their fears.

Handling children afraid of the dark can be difficult, but with loving reassurance and a bit of smart strategy, you can help them to conquer their fears and claim the peace that the dark really holds for them.

A Reader Asks:

My husband and I have a true-to-life “Yours, Mine and Ours” blended family. My children from my previous marriage are better behaved then the children that he had with his ex and the children that we’ve had together. How do we get on the same page when it comes to rule setting and discipline?

Jessi Says:

Take a deep breath, ahhhh.

The first step to a peaceful situation is to let go of the “blended” in your family and just be a family. Your husband and you love each other and you’ve decided to join your family and become one solid unit.

It’s important to unshackle yourself from the “yours” and “mine” mindset for two very important reasons:

1. The two of you, as parents, won’t look at all of your children equally, therefore an unintentional bias will take hold of your family and consistency will be a struggle from child to child.

2. Your children will believe that there is a difference between them, and will have difficulty moving past the “you’re not my real brother” frame of mind. Step-sibling rivalry will brew and swell where love and appreciation should grow.

The second step is to have a heart-to-heart with your husband about rules and discipline in general. Keep the blame game out of your conversation, or you risk driving a wedge smack-dab in the middle of your partnership. Talk about the things that concern both of you and come to a mutual agreement about what your rules will be and how you will consistently enforce them.

The third step, which will be met with moans and groans, is that you should have a family meeting with all of your children present and deliver the rules and consequences clearly. Allow the children time to share their feelings, but quickly re-direct the conversation if a finger-pointing match begins. Be clear that nobody is to blame, but you both feel that you need to establish concrete rules and expectations for everyone.

Finally, you both must be consistent. All of your children will respect your guidelines if they all absolutely have to follow them. If someone violates a rule, which eventually will happen (children will be children), make sure that you follow through with the aforementioned consequences.

If something major happens, and I mean major, like stealing from a store or fighting at school, swiftly follow through with a temporary consequence until the two of you can discuss a proper punishment for the situation together. For example, tell your daughter that she is grounded from her phone and leaving the house and that you will discuss the full consequences with her dad when he gets home.

This establishes that you are parenting as partners and have equal input and authority. It will also show your husband that you respect him as a parent, build your skills in co-parenting and the icing on the cake is that the “yours” and “ours” will naturally disintegrate.

Blending two families into one isn’t an easy undertaking, but it’s possible to do with love, patience and understanding. Once you’re parenting as equal partners, your whole family will follow suit and familial bliss will be your reward.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and assistant editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of three boys and has been married for long time. Jessi co-owns Profitable Prose, with her husband, Brock. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing.

A reader asks:

How do I get my 16-year-old daughter to appreciate the importance of a quality education? She says that “school isn’t for everyone” and refuses to apply herself to anything remotely academic.

Jessi says:

I can see why her nonchalance is frustrating for you, but take heart, it‘s not a lost cause.

There is hope.

She’s still young. Sixteen is a confusing age for every young woman. A teenage girl is being pulled in so many directions, it’s easy to lose focus and perspective.

A simple truth about the human condition is that nobody wants to fail.

The most important thing to do is identify why she’s resisting her schoolwork.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Has there been a major change or loss in her life (i.e. a break-up, death of a loved-one, move to a new town, parental divorce) ?
• Does she have some sort of learning barrier that is making her work more challenging than it is for her peers?
• Has she taken on a job that is monopolizing her time?
• Is she hanging out with other kids that don’t value education?
• Did she suffer a blow to her self-esteem (for example: being criticized publicly by a teacher)?
• Is there sibling rivalry involved? Does she have a sister or brother who makes achievement look effortless?

Once you’ve explored these questions on your own, open up a dialogue with her that is more personal than school-related. Ask simple questions and be prepared to give her support and examples of how you have personally overcome some of these challenges (but only if she wants them).

If you don’t have personal experience with whatever she’s dealing with, help her find someone reliable who does. There are many options both online and in your community.

If you start to sense tension, back-off. Resist the urge to dig your heels in on the issue. Nothing will make a teenager shut down and become uncooperative faster than feeling like she is being backed into a corner.

Once the two of you have reached an understanding about the cause of the barrier, then you can formulate a strategy to deal with the issue, together. Find local resources that can shed light on the specific problem, whatever that may be. Ask her permission to contact the school counselor for a list of people that can help.

If you work through it together, you’ll not only find a solution to the problem, but also empower your daughter and teach her a more positive way to cope with issues as they arise.

This process may take a little time, but the end result will mean a new beginning for both your relationship and her education (and beyond).

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. Jessi co-owns Profitable Prose, with her husband, Brock. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing.

“Autism” is one of the most dreaded diagnoses that a parent can hear. There are degrees of autism. Autistic children are classified as having low-, medium-, and high-functioning autism (LFA, MFA, and HFA). The severity is based on IQ scores. Autism is a brain developmental disorder.

Autism is characterized by a pattern of symptoms rather than by a single symptom. The autistic child has problems in social interaction, problems in communication, limited interests, and repetitive behavior.

Autism is not curable at this point, but there is a great deal of research being conducted and there has been progress made in helping those with autism to function at a higher level. Some of those who have autism can function almost normally in the world, while others who have more severe versions of autism may never be able to function without help.

It’s a common belief that autistic children prefer to be alone, but that belief isn’t substantiated by fact. Autistic children do not prefer to be alone, but they have a great deal of difficulty with interaction. Communication is a problem.

Repetitive behavior is one of the most noticeable symptoms of autism. Repetitive movements without purpose, like hand flapping, rocking, or head rolling, is almost always present. Compulsive behavior like insisting on objects being arranged in the same manner is also common.

Those who are autistic do not like change of any kind. They want to KNOW what is going to happen at a specific time and, as they get older, on a specific day. They do not menus to be varied. They do not want furniture to be rearranged.

About 30% of autistic children engage in self-injury behavior like biting themselves. A few of those with autism develop unusual levels of achievement in one particular area. They are called autistic savants.

Click here for more resources and information about autism

During the early months of your baby’s life, finding time to take care of yourself can seem impossible. The good news…it’s not. With a little flexibility, you won’t have to sacrifice the simple things in life that keep you happy and healthy.

There are three basic things every new mom wants and needs:

1. More sleep

2. To eat real meals (with both hands)

3. A hot shower.

Once you’re out of the hospital and on your own, you’ll have no choice but to learn how to work with your baby to make sure that you’re both getting what you need.

It can take weeks, sometimes even months, for your baby to sleep through the night. This doesn’t mean that you have to be a stinky, starving zombie.

The key to meeting your obligations to yourself, is to study and understand your baby’s sleeping and eating patterns. How long does she sleep between feedings? How often, and at what time, does she stay awake for an hour or more?

Babies’ schedules can appear to be completely chaotic at first, but if you pay attention, you’ll catch on to a pattern fairly quickly. They will generally find a comfortable rhythm and stick to it for a while.

Once you have your little peanut’s schedule figured out, you can fit your life into her schedule. Prioritize: Naps first, food second, and finally…ahhh…a relaxing shower.

With a little planning, your life can still be yours. A happy mom makes for a happy baby. If you’re too rundown to bring your mommy-ing “A-Game” to the party, you’ll both be miserable.

Give yourself the gift of self-indulgence, even if it’s just in the form of meeting your basic daily needs, and your early mothering experience will be a relaxed, content one.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. Jessi co-owns Profitable Prose, with her husband, Brock. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing.

If you’re dealing with bedwetting in children, don’t despair. It usually is just a phase and one you can end sooner rather than later if you’re willing to test out a few things and exercise a little patience.  And we’re quite sure you’re up for the challenge since you’re reading this article!

Note that we said above you’d probably have to test out a few approaches before you find the one that works for your child.  There is simply no single solution to waking up to stinky sheets, although there are time-tested methods that work in the majority of cases.

But before even we even discuss those, let’s be clear that bedwetting is very rarely caused by any sort of physical problem or disease.  It’s much more likely to happen because your child hasn’t quite gained the awareness yet of when his or her bladder is full, which is sometimes compounded by having a smaller than average bladder in the first place.  Stress can also cause it, though it may not be as much of a factor if the problem is chronically recurring.

With that understanding in hand, the first and best step to take is reassuring your child that his or her bedwetting is a natural part of growing up.  Talk about it as a rite of passage and put special emphasis on how growing out of it will signal entrée into being a “big kid.”  What could be better for any kid to hear?

With that foundation in place, you’ll want to start simple to see if bedwetting in the children you’ve got is easier to solve than you thought.  For example, don’t give them any water within two hours of bedtime.  Also make sure to have your child use the bathroom just before bed. This is a good habit to create now to make life easier later.

Failing that, you could have your child help to change the sheets in the morning when bedwetting does happen.  Dealing with the smelly consequences of it is nearly sure to provide ample motivation for your child to consider things carefully before doing it again.  Just make sure to remain emotionally neutral in having your little one help with this.  It should not be seen as a punishment–just as what naturally needs to be done to maintain good hygiene in the house after bedwetting.

On the other side of the coin, create an outright rewards system for dry nights.  An extra half an hour of television time, play time in the park or story time before bed can go a long way as positive incentives.  As with these last two, you can plan crafty parent-child activities you can do together as the rewards.

Seize the opportunity while you can. You know they grow up so fast, and soon dating dilemmas and paying for college might make solving bedwetting in children seem like a walk in the park.

Click here for more tips on how to stop bedwetting in children

Young children are becoming. They are just discovering that they have an opinion and that their opinion (about anything and everything) is the most important opinion, in their opinion. It’s a tough time for parents.

Problem: Your toddler takes his clothes off. It’s kind of cute at first, but “cute” doesn’t last long. He’s discovered that wearing clothes is optional, and that removing his clothes gets lots of attention.

Solutions:

1. Buy clothing that zips or buttons in the back.
2. Let him run naked at home, but tell him he can’t go “see Grandma” until he puts his clothes on.
3. Let him start to choose his own clothing.
4. Take a deep breath — he’ll outgrow it.

Problem: The biting toddler. Your toddler has teeth, and he’s decided that teeth make excellent weapons when things aren’t going his way.

Solutions:

1. Remove the child who bites from the situation. If he’s using his teeth to gain possession of a toy from another child, give the toy in question to the other child and remove the biter from the situation. Don’t let biting “win.”
2. Lavish attention on the child that was bitten while totally ignoring the biter.
3. Try to resist the temptation to bite the biter back just to show him that biting hurts. He already knows biting hurts. He’s seeking getting his own way or looking for attention. Don’t give him either.

Problem: The toddler temper tantrum. Toddlers most often throw tantrums when they are overly tired or have been out of their comfort zone for an extended period of time. Tantrums are often reflecting frustration.

Solutions:

1. Schedule trips and vigorous activities during the child’s normally peak hours, not during nap time or near bedtime.
2. Praise good behavior as often as possible. Toddlers seek praise.
3. If you threaten leaving a store without making a purchase if the child throws a tantrum, back up the threat.
4. Again, they really do outgrow it.

If you are looking for more great tips on how to deal with behavior problems in young children make sure to check out the “Talking to Toddlers” audio program.