Sometimes we adults don’t think goal setting for kids would be worthwhile.  And that’s where we’re wrong.

Goal setting can be a wonderful process if we start small.  For example, you might set a small goal to eat only half of your favorite chocolate-walnut monster muffin today to scalp 150 calories from your daily diet.  Not a big deal, right?  If you did that everyday, that 150 calories per day would add up quickly into a real reduction in your waistline.

The same goes for kids.  While their goals are probably vastly different than your own (please don’t feed them chocolate-walnut monster funs regardless!), it’s important to teach them how to identify what they want and to give them a process for achieving it.  Think about it….How long did it take YOU to discover goal setting?  Do you want YOUR kids to go through that same confused journey toward clarity?  Goal setting for kids is a gift that will keep giving over their lifetimes.

With that in mind, where to start?  Start where they are!

If they know even a little bit about money, buy them a piggy bank of their choice and have them start doing small chores around the house for a few coins.  Teach them how much a nickel is worth vs. a quarter and what it means to earn a whole dollar.  Again, harken back to when you were a kid.  How did you feel when you had some coins jingling in your pocket for the first time?  I bet you felt wealthy!

That’s a huge lesson right there: Wealth is an emotional state that far transcends money.  Even many adults have forgotten this basic yet timeless truth, no longer feeling wealthy even with tens of thousands of dollars in the bank, a bevy of friends and time off to enjoy.  Imagine the richness your kids could experience in life by understanding this truth now.

Okay, so that’s wealth.  What else could your children set goals to do?

How about doing well in school? You could hang up a piece of poster board for each child (let them each decorate it how he or she wishes) and stick on another golden star sticker for every “A” on a homework assignment.  Rewarding achievement is a wonderful way to plant the seeds of further positive growth.  Just be careful to avoid it becoming a competition vs. other children.  Compare their progress only to how they were doing before.  After all, each child is unique.

The other tenets of goal setting can apply equally well to kids too.  Make the goal as clear and measurable as possible.  How will they know when they’ve achieved it?  Also, help to state the goal as moving towards something instead of away from something.  Towards-motivated goals have far greater motive power for long-term achievement.  You can even work with your kids to set target dates by which they want to achieve their stated outcomes, being careful not to set them up for disappointment if they don’t make it.  Simply make it a fun challenge for them to “go for it.”  And, last but certainly not least, make sure your kids write their goals on paper and hang them up where they will see them everyday.

Do all of these things, and your little exercise in goal setting for kids may prove the most positive inspiration of all for setting some bigger goals yourself!
Click here to learn more about goal setting for kids

All children are of course special, but there are extra considerations that will need to be addressed when it comes to parenting special needs children. It may be as simple as dealing with a restricted diet, or else their needs may be the focus of your day. Parenting is never an easy job, but for those dealing with children needing extra care, it can be hard to find a balance.

Of course, there is no single answer as to how to best deal with any child. There are no handbooks, no guides as to what you should and should not do. There are no training courses and no qualifications needed before becoming a parent, though it sometimes seems that there should be! And yet, it is the most important job that you can ever undertake, and if your child has extra needs then it can be even more challenging.

Although difficult, parenting special needs children can truly be a gift! Every trial that you overcome is a cause for celebration and can make you see the world in a different light. That is not to underplay the difficulties faced by special needs families, but just as every child brings joy to his or her family, so too do those with special needs.

Just as every child is different in their likes, dislikes and their needs, so too are special needs children. Not only will they have different things that they enjoy, different things will calm them, and irritate them. It will be up to you to find them out.

What will also be important is that each child’s condition will affect how you need to be as a parent. A child with autism may have behavioral problems that lead to discipline difficulties, and a child with cerebral palsy or cystic fibrosis may need to spend so much time in physiotherapy or having other medical treatments every day that it dominates both of your lives.

A further consideration will be the child’s education. Those with learning disorders or with global delays that affect their ability to learn may have to undergo special education. This may be with support in a mainstream school or by attending a school that is designed to help students will similar problems.

Another essential consideration is the availability of support groups. There are now many groups online so that even if you cannot find a local group that you can attend for support, you are likely to find one online. People there may share coping techniques and discuss things that help or hinder their children’s health.

Although we are trained to put our kids first, parents of challenged children need to remember to take time for themselves as well. All parenting is a learning experience from start to finish, but when you are parenting special needs children, everyday is a whole new adventure.

If you’re looking for effective child discipline methods, you’ve certainly got a few to choose from. By now, you already know that some methods work exquisitely well with certain children and fail miserably with others.  You may even wonder how one or more of your children could possibly have been born from you!

With that in mind, the first crucial consideration in choosing a discipline method is how likely the child in question is to test your boundaries.  One child will obey your every parental ruling with a quiet whimper while another will seize each opportunity anew to see just how serious you are.  With no special shutdown maneuvers of your own, be prepared to endure such a child’s full arsenal of ankle-biting and tantrum-throwing before submitting to the inevitable.

But isn’t there a way to short-circuit the crying and screaming before it ever starts, you ask?  Ahh, good question, because it turns out that there’s a highly effective child discipline method designed to do exactly that.

It’s called the 1-2-3 method, and it’s described in the bestselling book, 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12.  It’s deceptively simple considering that it’s usually very effective.

The concept is to count obnoxious behavior aloud as it happens, after having an initial five- to ten-minute family meeting briefing your kids about your newest parenting tool (don’t expect much buy-in or any gratitude from them!).  After that, whenever your child does something you don’t want, you count it aloud.  So if your little son hits his kid sister, you hold up one finger and say calmly, “That’s 1.”  If your child then does it again or does something else objectionable like calling her names, you hold up two fingers and say, “That’s 2.”  Finally, if your child crosses the line once more, you say, “That’s 3, go take five.”

This means that they’ve struck out and need to go take a timeout in a specially designated place for however long you tell them.  The book authors suggest one minute for each year of life as a rough guideline, so five minutes would be for a child five years old.  And when the child comes out, you don’t mention anything about the behavior unless your child wants to talk about it.  Your job is to give him or her a blank slate, though you are entirely entitled to count more brash behavior as it occurs.  Get the idea?  See, we told you it was simple.

Of course, it won’t always work.  Nothing does.  Sometimes your children might be especially testy or maybe your significant other isn’t quite as consistent in counting the kids’ bad behavior as you are.  These are things that can be smoothed out with time with a little work.

On the other end of the spectrum, some children have temperaments that make it much harder for them to be flexible and to overcome frustration, so they can explode with rage almost regardless of what you do.  While these kids are more rare cases, that’s obviously irrelevant if you’ve got such a child in your house.  It’ll pay to have boundless compassion, since these children often do understand what the right things are to do in various circumstances.  They are simply unable to process the energies of their frustrations and flexibly adapt to the situations at hand, which can frustrate them even more.  These are tricky cases indeed, and that’s why we recommend you read The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children, which explores precisely these issues and potential solutions in-depth.

Whether you’ve a kid like that or not, let’s all be thankful that resources now exist to help them.  And if your child is only in need of some good old-fashioned boundaries, you might just be 1-2-3 steps away from your new favorite and incredibly effective discipline method for children.

For more information on effective child discipline methods click here

Communicating with our children can be a difficult task at times. We feel like they’re not listening to us; they feel like we’re not listening to them. Good listening and communications skills are essential to successful parenting. Your child’s feelings, views and opinions have worth, and you should make sure you take the time to sit down and listen openly and discuss them honestly.

It seems to be a natural tendency to react rather than to respond. We pass judgment based on our own feelings and experiences. However, responding means being receptive to our child’s feelings and emotions and allowing them to express themselves openly and honestly without fear of repercussion from us. By reacting, we send our child the message that their feelings and opinions are invalid. But by responding and asking questions about why the child feels that way, it opens a dialog that allows them to discuss their feelings further, and allows you a better understanding of where they’re coming from. Responding also gives you an opportunity to work out a solution or a plan of action with your child that perhaps they would not have come up with on their own. Your child will also appreciate the fact that maybe you do indeed understand how they feel.

It’s crucial in these situations to give your child your full and undivided attention. Put down your newspaper, stop doing dishes, or turn off the television so you can hear the full situation and make eye contact with your child. Keep calm, be inquisitive, and afterwards offer potential solutions to the problem.

Don’t discourage your child from feeling upset, angry, or frustrated. Our initial instinct may be to say or do something to steer our child away from it, but this can be a detrimental tactic. Again, listen to your child, ask questions to find out why they are feeling that way, and then offer potential solutions to alleviate the bad feeling.

Just as we do, our children have feelings and experience difficult situations. By actively listening and participating with our child as they talk about it, it demonstrates to them that we do care, we want to help and we have similar experiences of our own that they can draw from. Remember, respond – don’t react.

ADHD is an acronym for Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. ADHD is a behavioral problem that disrupts and delays normal development. Most often ADHD is diagnosed in children, but more adults are now increasingly being diagnosed with the problem.

ADHD is a chronic problem with no known cure. Almost all children who are diagnosed with ADHD continue to have the problem when they become adults. Those who are diagnosed with ADHD present a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity, forgetfulness, and poor impulse control. They are impulsive to the extreme and are easily distracted.

ADHD is not a modern disease. It’s been around a while. As a matter of fact, Hippocrates described ADHD in a patient back in 493 BC. In his writings, he described a patient as having “quickened responses to sensory experience, but also less tenaciousness because the soul moves on quickly to the next impression.” Hippocrates called the condition an “overbalance of fire over water.” Hippocrates treated the disorder by recommending “barley rather than wheat bread, fish rather than meat, water drinks, and many natural and diverse physical activities.”

Hippocrates might well have been onto something. Diet has long been considered as a contributing factor of ADHD, with researchers particularly concentrating on the ingestion of artificial food additives and food coloring.

Head injuries are also considered a contributing factor to ADHD.

There is a great deal of controversy about the diagnosing of and labeling of children with ADHD. Some say that the diagnosis of a brain disorder becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when the child views himself as “brain damaged.”

The treatment regime of a person who has been diagnosed as suffering from ADHD is most often a combination of medications, behavior modification, changes in lifestyle, and counseling.

More than twice as many boys are diagnosed with ADHD than girls. It’s unclear whether males are more susceptible to the problem, or whether girls are simply underdiagnosed.

Children afraid of the dark are quite common, indicating a healthily developing imagination and a growing awareness that the world does not revolve around them. ‘Tis the stuff dreams are made of—but nightmares too. It can be quite unnerving to realize that there are things beyond their control.

Sadly, adults often perceive these as irrational fears.

When the lights are turned out, your children can feel frightfully alone and vulnerable. Objects that, by day, are innocent and fun can be, by night, scary and menacing. So what can you do when your children wake in the middle of the night terrified that monsters lie in wait under their beds?

The best place to start is with a good lighthearted chat. Talk to your children about what’s scaring them without ridiculing them or dismissing their fears in any way. After all, whatever is frightening is very real in their minds. That’s why it can backfire to use imaginary characters to gain control during the day, as these can fuel the inventions of demons and monsters at night.

Once you have discussed whatever is frightening your child, comfort them once more with a reassurance of safety before turning off the light. Then again, you may wish to keep some sort of light on to give them a measure of power. You can use the room lights if you’ve got a dimmer, or you can buy a small nightlight. See what they prefer. Either way, there’s no better way than literally bringing light to the darkness to show your children that all is well.

Yet even then, smaller children may still be scared and sneak into your bed during the night to snuggle up with you. And while it can seem like a decent solution at first (heck, you’ll get more sleep!), it’s not a good idea to encourage your children to run away from their fears.

Handling children afraid of the dark can be difficult, but with loving reassurance and a bit of smart strategy, you can help them to conquer their fears and claim the peace that the dark really holds for them.

A Reader Asks:

I’m 32 weeks along, and I’ve been diagnosed with preeclampsia [pregnancy induced hypertension], and my doctor put me on bed rest. I’ve been lying in bed for 4 days and I’m starting to go crazy. I don’t think I can handle another 8 weeks like this. Is there anything I can do?

Jessi Says:

I’m sorry, mama. I know it stinks, because I’ve been there. My initial reaction to the good doctor’s prescription was “Woo hoo…vacation!” By the end of day two, it was abundantly clear, hanging out in bed for the duration of my pregnancy was in no way comparable to a trip to Hawaii.

The good news is, there’s plenty to do if you’re creative. Before I get to that, I’m going to stress the importance of following your doctor’s orders. No matter how tempting it is to sit in the nursery and “just” do this or that, plant your fanny. Your OB wants the best health for your baby and you. Don’t flirt with disaster and try to get away with some well-intentioned shenanigans. It’s not worth it. The consequences can be deadly.

Now, as far as bed rest survival is concerned, my first suggestion is to give your doctor’s office a call and get some clarification as to the rules of the game. My doctor was very specific with the position I had to be in (lying on my left side), but I could get up for bathroom breaks and to move to the living room couch.

Ask your doctor if it’s alright to relocate to the sofa from time to time. Be honest with him if stairs are involved, too. Again, caution is your best friend when it comes to protecting your baby. Once you have the guidelines of your bed rest situation, you can plan some activities to get you through the next several weeks.

These are some things I did to keep all my marbles where they should be:

Think about all of the organizing projects you’ve been putting off. Most women have a closet full of “I’ll get to it someday” things to do. I took the time to put pictures in frames and albums, update my address book, sift through old files and sort my craft supplies. I couldn’t carry things back and forth, so I told my husband what the plan for the day was and he brought everything to me.

Grab a laptop and shop online. While I was battling infertility, I fantasized about shopping trips with my mom and girlfriends, searching for the best deals on the cutest baby gear available. And of course, as luck would have it, I wound up a prisoner of my blood pressure, unable to waddle the aisles of every baby boutique my swollen feet could handle.

Instead, I started looking online, which was a pretty sweet deal in the end. I could pick items I liked, compare prices and send my ideas to friends and family who were “in the know” about such things. They in turn, they sent me links to items they recommended.

Make dates with your partner. Try to keep in mind, this is stressful for him, too. He’s actually probably freaking right out about now. He’s worried about you, scrambling to get things ready for Junior, and trying to focus on work, bills and every other responsibility that comes with that blissful gift called adulthood.

Plan date nights watching movies, listening to music, sipping sparkling grape juice by candlelight and just enjoying each other’s company. These are the last few weeks before the new head honcho joins the family. Make the most of them.

Ask your girlfriends over. Every time the chips are down, your gal pals say, “Please, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” This is a great time to take them up on it. Plan beauty days and paint each other’s nails or start a book club. Having someone to hang out with is such a sweet relief. Don’t feel like you’re being a pest, you’d do the same if your roles were reversed.

Make important lists and arrangements. Write down who needs to be contacted when the big day arrives, items the hubby needs to pack for your hospital stay and any special instructions for a housesitter if you need one (include pet and plant care). Take care of any paperwork the hospital, insurance company or other important office may have for you.

There are lots of things you can do while you’re on bed rest. Get creative. The key is to stay busy without being active or stressing yourself out. If you need someone to talk to while your significant other is at work, find a forum for other pregnant moms, especially ones on bed rest.

You’ll make it through this difficult time. When the nurse lays that healthy little cuddlebug in your arms for the first time, you’ll know every moment was worthwhile. Don’t think of bed rest as a sentence, but the first loving act of a wonderful mother.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.

A reader asks:

How do I get my 16-year-old daughter to appreciate the importance of a quality education? She says that “school isn’t for everyone” and refuses to apply herself to anything remotely academic.

Jessi says:

I can see why her nonchalance is frustrating for you, but take heart, it‘s not a lost cause.

There is hope.

She’s still young. Sixteen is a confusing age for every young woman. A teenage girl is being pulled in so many directions, it’s easy to lose focus and perspective.

A simple truth about the human condition is that nobody wants to fail.

The most important thing to do is identify why she’s resisting her schoolwork.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Has there been a major change or loss in her life (i.e. a break-up, death of a loved-one, move to a new town, parental divorce) ?
• Does she have some sort of learning barrier that is making her work more challenging than it is for her peers?
• Has she taken on a job that is monopolizing her time?
• Is she hanging out with other kids that don’t value education?
• Did she suffer a blow to her self-esteem (for example: being criticized publicly by a teacher)?
• Is there sibling rivalry involved? Does she have a sister or brother who makes achievement look effortless?

Once you’ve explored these questions on your own, open up a dialogue with her that is more personal than school-related. Ask simple questions and be prepared to give her support and examples of how you have personally overcome some of these challenges (but only if she wants them).

If you don’t have personal experience with whatever she’s dealing with, help her find someone reliable who does. There are many options both online and in your community.

If you start to sense tension, back-off. Resist the urge to dig your heels in on the issue. Nothing will make a teenager shut down and become uncooperative faster than feeling like she is being backed into a corner.

Once the two of you have reached an understanding about the cause of the barrier, then you can formulate a strategy to deal with the issue, together. Find local resources that can shed light on the specific problem, whatever that may be. Ask her permission to contact the school counselor for a list of people that can help.

If you work through it together, you’ll not only find a solution to the problem, but also empower your daughter and teach her a more positive way to cope with issues as they arise.

This process may take a little time, but the end result will mean a new beginning for both your relationship and her education (and beyond).

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. Jessi co-owns Profitable Prose, with her husband, Brock. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing.

“Autism” is one of the most dreaded diagnoses that a parent can hear. There are degrees of autism. Autistic children are classified as having low-, medium-, and high-functioning autism (LFA, MFA, and HFA). The severity is based on IQ scores. Autism is a brain developmental disorder.

Autism is characterized by a pattern of symptoms rather than by a single symptom. The autistic child has problems in social interaction, problems in communication, limited interests, and repetitive behavior.

Autism is not curable at this point, but there is a great deal of research being conducted and there has been progress made in helping those with autism to function at a higher level. Some of those who have autism can function almost normally in the world, while others who have more severe versions of autism may never be able to function without help.

It’s a common belief that autistic children prefer to be alone, but that belief isn’t substantiated by fact. Autistic children do not prefer to be alone, but they have a great deal of difficulty with interaction. Communication is a problem.

Repetitive behavior is one of the most noticeable symptoms of autism. Repetitive movements without purpose, like hand flapping, rocking, or head rolling, is almost always present. Compulsive behavior like insisting on objects being arranged in the same manner is also common.

Those who are autistic do not like change of any kind. They want to KNOW what is going to happen at a specific time and, as they get older, on a specific day. They do not menus to be varied. They do not want furniture to be rearranged.

About 30% of autistic children engage in self-injury behavior like biting themselves. A few of those with autism develop unusual levels of achievement in one particular area. They are called autistic savants.

Click here for more resources and information about autism

When we bring a new baby home, most families prepare their house for the new arrival. As the child grows, safety measures are put into place, like locking cabinets and installing outlet covers. However, many families don’t think about household safety as their kids get older. Here are some things to think about.

Do you have an emergency plan in place for your children? Do they know where to go if you have to get out of the house quickly? Plan a location that is away from your house that can be a meeting place for all family members. Make sure your children understand the circumstances in which they would leave the house and wait at your meeting place.

Do your children know what to do if there is a fire in your house? Most parents figure that their children know to get out, but is it something that you have ever practiced? You only have a few minutes when the fire breaks out before all the oxygen is gone from the air and you need to have everyone out before then. Practice escape routes with your children.

If there is an emergency in the home, do your kids know who to call? Do they know how to dial 9-1-1? Can they tell their address to the operator on the phone? It is a good idea to have emergency information posted above the phone in your house. Write down the emergency numbers, and your address. Even adults have forgotten their address in a crisis.

When you have an emergency, it is too late to plan. Make sure that you and your children have a plan in place to protect your family in an emergency. Don’t wait until it’s too late.