If you’re a parent, you have already experienced different forms of guilt. Sometimes it feels like it comes with the job description. When I gave birth to my second child, Jessica, just 16 months after having my son, Robbie, my guilt went into overdrive. When you bring home a new baby to her sibling, sometimes that means double the guilt. You feel guilty about your older child…What are you doing to your little best friend? Are you taking away his mummy time? Is he simply going to feel like a helper to you with the new baby?

If that’s not enough, you will inevitably feel guilty about the new baby. Your latest addition will have to be toted all around, regardless of her nap schedule. You can’t devote 24/7 to reading every book on sleep, poop and early admissions to college like you did for your first.

Some things I try to remember to help ease the guilt:

This is an opportunity for your older child. Your first born will get the chance to share her toys, your attention and the family’s space. This is not such a bad thing. These are valuable lessons for her to take into school and beyond.

There are perks for the baby too. Your newborn will grow up in a world where people share and take turns. Many parents say that the second child is naturally more easy going than the first. And you won’t have to read a book on how to make that happen! Your youngest child will have special time with you once your older child starts school. And he may even be more appreciative of the time you can give him because he instinctively knows that mum has lots of jobs.

You can be more flexible to make your life easier. What does it matter if the baby naps in the car as you drive your eldest to football practice? Isn’t it a good thing that you put less pressure on yourself about a perfectly clean house and pat yourself on the back for making it through the day?!

Walk away from the guilt gremlin. If guilty feelings start creeping in, remember that these negative thoughts don’t help you find an extra hour in the day. Mothers are notoriously hard on themselves and all the angst still doesn’t get the laundry done.

Feel it and move on. Every parent feels guilty at some point. Just because you feel guilty doesn’t mean you are guilty. Your children are lucky to have a parent who cares enough to want the best for her children.

This post was writen by April Paine. April is an American living in England and the co-author of The ABCs of Baby #2: Tips, Hints & Real Mum Advice for Celebrating the Arrival of Your Second Child, now available on Kindle, itunes and Sony Reader.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/stephenr/1317897186/

I think one of the big lessons about being a mom is learning how to LOVE….

We think this is easy, that it comes naturally. Sure, the feelings of love come naturally but the act of loving does not at times.

What does this mean?

For most of us, we have a language of love – a way that we both like to express and receive love. For me it is through words, for my husband it is through acts of kindness.

We understand this as adults and in good relationships try to understand and recognize our partners preferred way to communicate love. It is important to us and important to them. It is the stuff of healthy relationships.

But how do we recognize how our children need love?

Gary Chapman wrote, The 5 Love Languages and has a book out for parents as well, The 5 Love Languages of Children. I think the book does a good job starting the discussion, I also think there are more ways people love and look forward to exploring that in another discussion. But for this lesson, I suggest you take this quiz http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/where you can find out your communication style of yourself, your partner and your children.

So why is this important?

I can speak from my own perspective and hope that it translates to the rest of you. I feel driven to love the people I love in a way that fills them up, that makes them float off the ground, that makes them feel indestructible, that inspires love within them that connects them with the divine, beauty and other people. That fills them up and fills me up in return.

If that is also important to you, take the time to connect to learn about how your child needs to receive love from you and how he/she prefers to love you back. It can bring you closer, resolve misunderstandings and conflicts and add effortless joy into your life.

Go on…get to LOVING!!

This article was written by Sigrid Kjeldsen. Sigrid also owns and operates the site www.thejoyfulmother.com

The Joyful Mother offers inspiration, one on one coaching and other online courses and products that help conscious moms around dissolve resistance, in the form of stress, self-doubt, frustration, anxiety, overwhelm, etc., that stands in the way of living and loving as a Joyful Mother. Links: www.thejoyfulmother.com/blog and www.thefittingroom.info

Photo: flickr.com/photos/brennaphotos/3691707966/

Stopping tantrums, bridging gaps and building relationships

Every mommy is a super mommy to someone, and daddy wears a hero badge from the moment of baby’s birth. So what super powers do parents pack in their diaper bags these days? From pacifiers to band-aids, burp cloths to blankie’s there are always those tools parents can’t be without.

Sign language for babies is such a tool and with great free resources online, there is no need to make room next to the sippy cup in the diaper bag to fit a reference guide.

Signing for babies is only one means of expression. But when their speech is still months in the future and the need to communicate is here, BSL is a much preferred means of expression when compared to the tears, screams and other attention-grabbing alternatives. It is tempting to label a tantrum as an unreasonable reaction, but can you think of many situations more frustrating than having a need, want or opinion and lacking the ability to communicate it? And then how much more frustrating to have someone guess incorrectly and offer up something you don’t need or want.

Sign language bridges the gap between baby’s development of opinions and development of speech. Without delaying verbalization, it encourages babies to start building their vocabulary and exploring communication with their parents and caregivers much earlier and much, much more constructively.

In relationships, we have all heard that “communication is key” and the same is true between parent and baby. Teaching your baby to sign is a fun and bonding experience. How wonderful to know what baby is thinking! And while it may start with signing a request for milk, before long baby will be asking you to play, to read a book or even to stop and smell the flowers.

Super babies everywhere are surprising parents with their early expression and understanding of language, improved fine motor skills and reduced fussiness. And super parents everywhere are toning down the terrible twos!

Go to www.babysignlanguage.com to download baby sign language flash cards and hundreds of other free resources.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/sisma/2397817639/

While some parents love to bring their baby into the bath with them, here are some alternatives for those young parents who want to learn how to bathe a baby the traditional way.

If you do want to enjoy the bonding and special time of bathing with your baby, here’s how: All you need to do is cradle your precious one on your lap and give him or her a nice bath. You will have plenty of time and moments to touch and really connect, and all kids love those fun moments. Make sure he has plenty of rubber ducks around and you should be good to go. The child will be much relaxed thanks to the warm water, so you should be able to use his baby shampoo and wash him clean in no time.

Now let’s learn how to bathe a baby in his own small bath tub. You need to be relaxed and confident; the baby is going to enjoy every moment of his bath as long as you are not feeling stressed and uneasy. Don’t be afraid of something happening to him or her; on the contrary, he will feel much more relaxed and his sleep will significantly improve after a warm bath. So if you are not sure how to bathe a baby, follow these easy steps.

Start by preparing the bath; this is probably the most important step on the how to bathe a baby process. You need to gather all the towels, baby soaps and shampoos for sensitive skin, wash cloth and lotions and powders you will be using. You don’t want to forget anything and be forced to run to the next room and leave your child unattended in the middle of his bath, so make sure you gather all the right stuff. Place all of these items in reachable places.

Next, the “how to bathe a baby” list consists of preparing the bath water. Depending on the type of tub you might be using, you need to make sure the water in it is shallow and about 100 degrees F. Test its temperature using a special thermometer or your own elbow.

Undressing your baby might be a bit difficult at first, for some babies, so it’s recommended you use a sponge bath at first. Then, when your baby is ready for real baths, here are the main tips on how to bathe a baby in his own tub. Place the baby in the tub and make sure you hold his hand so he can feel safe and comfortable. Start washing your baby gently using the washcloth and begin this process with his face, neck, tummy, back, legs and leave the diaper area last.

The last items on the “how to wash a baby” list are the wrapping in a towel process. Carefully dry off the baby and use lotions or powder for sensitive skin if you have to. Now you’re all done and ready to put a diaper on your baby, an outfit and put him to sleep.

Congratulations, you just learned how to bathe a baby!

Photo: flickr.com/photos/etolane/89148075/

When we were decorating our first son’s nursery, we poured through magazine after magazine for ideas. One of the things I loved was the idea of a personalized name decoration.

I’ve always been nuts about personalized items for myself, and something about having his name on the wall just made it feel so much more real and special.

We did have two problems, though. First, our son’s name, Kyan, is unusual, so finding one that was already made in a craft store was nothing short of impossible. Secondly, personalized anything is super expensive, and with everything else a baby actually needs, dropping $30 on a personalized decoration wasn’t exactly practical. Also, by way of budget and practicality, we knew that if we paid for one for our first son, we’d have to do the same for any other children we might have.

So, since we didn’t have the dough to have a personalized nursery decoration custom-made, we decided to get crafty and make one ourselves.

I went to the local hardware store and found some basic wooden letters. Just about every hardware or craft store has them for a buck or two a piece. I also picked up a few small jars of paint (one for a base color and then a couple to decorate with). I also bought a spool of fun ribbon to hang the letters with.

When I got home, I painted each letter a simple pale yellow and allowed it to dry. If you’d like more variety, you can paint each letter differently. Then after the paint was dry, I went back and painted designs on each letter. When everything was completely dry, I used a hot glue gun to attach a loop of ribbon on each letter to hang it.

It turned out super cute and I paid less then $10 for the whole project.

If you’re not wanting to go through the painting process, there are a lot of other fun options.

• You can use wooden blocks with the letters of your child’s name and spell it out
• You can take pictures of things in nature that look like the letters of your child’s name, like a sunflower for an ‘O’ or a tree branch that looks like a ‘Y’
• Cut out letters from pretty wrapping paper and frame them individually
• Find a pretty font on your word processing program and print the name out, then frame it with a pretty scrapbooking paper as matting

If you use your imagination, there are endless possibilities for the perfect personalized baby name decoration for your little cherub’s nursery.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/magpie372/4908123945

A Reader Asks:

My husband and I just found out we’re expecting. Even though this wasn’t a planned event (we just got married two months ago), we’re very happy to be beginning our family. The problem is, we started looking around in baby departments and online and are overwhelmed by all the stuff a baby needs. We knew about the basics, like diapers, clothes and a crib, but we don’t think we’ll even be able to figure out what kind of bottles to pick. Beyond, the overwhelming amount of things we need, we’re just starting out, have a small, but comfortable apartment and have no nest egg to draw from. We’re starting to freak out here. The doctor says I’m 8 weeks along, how are we going to pull this off in seven months? Do we really need ALL that baby stuff?

Jessi says:

Take a deep breath….it’s all going to work out. Don’t panic.

The short answer is, no, you don’t need all that stuff. Babies have basic needs, just as you mentioned. The other stuff is more for ease and comfort. Your remaining seven months will give you plenty of time to gather the essentials, especially if you’re always on the lookout for good deals and let people know what you need.

The things you really need include:

A safe place to call home: Small comfortable apartments make happy homes, too. As long as it’s clean and safe, there’s no reason to hurry into a lease or mortgage you’re not financially ready for. Your little bundle doesn’t need his own bedroom just yet. In fact, you’ll probably want him in your room for the first several months, anyway. If you can fit his crib in there, you’re golden. It’s really the only major piece of furniture you’re going to need for your baby right now, anyway.

Clothing: Onesies, jammies, a few outfits, and socks are the basics. Especially the onesies and jammies. Your baby will live in these badboys for the first few months. They’re simple and comfortable. Also if you live in an area where it gets chilly or cold you’ll need weather appropriate outerwear.

Crib: Bassinets are elegant, but unnecessary, babies outgrow them in a few months. You’re better off investing in a crib from the get-go. There are some that even convert into a toddler bed and then serve as a head and footboard for a twin bed when the time comes.

Bottles: Unless you are ABSOLUTELY positive you will be exclusively breastfeeding, you’ll want a bottle starter pack. You can discuss formulas with the nurse at the hospital or your baby’s pediatrician.

Receiving blankets and crib sheets: There’s no need to drop a bundle on a fancy-schmancy crib set, complete with quilt. Unless your baby is swaddled, you can’t even use a blanket to cover him in his crib at night. It’s a suffocation hazard. You’re better off with a stack of receiving blankets and a couple blanket sleepers. Cribs sheets should be well fitted to the mattress.

Car seat: A good quality car seat is an absolute must. This is another place where it’s worthwhile to budget a little extra moola. After all, it’s the seat that will keep your most precious treasure safe. Investing in a car seat the converts into a high-backed, and then backless, booster will save you cash down the line, too.

Diapers: Whether you choose disposable or cloth diapers, you’re going to need plenty. Stocking up before the little fella or lass joins your clan isn’t totally necessary, but will save you some stress and money down the line. Keep your eyes out for sales.

Some things that aren’t necessary include:

Changing tables: You can change him just as easily on your bed, couch or on a clean blanket on the the floor.

A fancy diaper bag: Those monster diaper bags with 100 bajillion pockets look mighty convenient, but they’re really not necessary. You can easily get by with a small diaper bag or large purse or duffel bag for long trips.

Silly frills: Diaper warmers and mega mobiles are fun touches, but you won’t get a ton of mileage out of them.

A ton of toys: Your baby won’t even play or take notice of toys for a few months. Don’t worry about them right away. Friends and family will get stuff, anyway. And they accumulate quickly.

A swing or bouncy seat: While I suggest getting a simple bouncy seat that you can take around the house with you, you don’t need to spend a heap of dough on one or get a giant model that takes up a load of space.

Don’t get so mixed up in how things will come together that you’re too panicked to enjoy your pregnancy. Relax. Things will come together. The people in your life know that the bun in your oven is a happy surprise, so they’ll ask if there’s anything you need or specific items you want them to mention on your baby shower invitations. Be honest. Let them know. Everything will be okay. Congratulations, mama!

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.

A Reader Asks:

“I love Black Friday shopping, and I really want to go this year. My boyfriend just found out that he has to work, so he won’t be able to watch the baby. She’s only 4 months old, so she would be in her car seat most of the time. Can I take her with me?”

Jessi Says:

Grab some tissues and get ready for some heartbreak. I STRONGLY advise you not to take your baby with you, and by that I mean absolutely not.

It’s no place for a baby, or child in general.  The atmosphere just isn’t safe. Traffic is a nightmare and people are C.R.A.Z.Y. Beyond the obvious dangers, getting a shopping cart to put your little bundle’s car seat in is next to impossible. So, not only will you be fighting your way through crowds, but you’ll be doing it carrying a 25 pound baby seat.

While Black Friday is the kick-off to the merry season of love and generosity, it’s brutal and sometimes extremely dangerous. Every year, as I deck out my Christmas tree and chug some non-alcoholic eggnog, I hear horror stories on the news about someone being severely beaten or trampled to death in the gotta-have-it madness of Black Friday.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the energy of Black Friday. If you’re into it, which I am, the thrill of a successful grab for a $3 set of footie pajamas parallels reaching the summit of Everest. I’ve even gone as far as to throw in maniacal laughter as I claim my prize. What a rush.

Still, as much as I look forward to the big day, where soccer moms and blue-haired grannies openly wrestle over obnoxious dolls that poo themselves, I’ve still had to stay home a few times to hang with my cherubs. Sometimes these situations are just unavoidable.

Missing the early morning doorbusters may be a drag, but your bambino will be safe.

If you still thirst for the thrill of the Black Friday experience, I suggest you:

• Arrange for a babysitter- Maybe they could spend the night at grandma’s house after Thanksgiving or you could go old school and hire someone you trust
• Go to the stores after your fella gets home- You’ll miss the morning sales, but the stores will be less busy and you’ll still get your hands on some hot deals
• Work out a babysitting swap arrangement with another mom- You’ll watch her littles from 4AM to 6AM and she’ll watch yours from 6AM to 8AM
• Shop online- You won’t get the exact same feeling as you would if you had 10 espresso loaded parents breathing down your neck, but there is still skill involved. You have to find the best deals between the stores, and get to them before they sell out (Hint: Check online ads ahead of time, while your Thanksgiving turkey is settling)
• Hit the stores before he heads to work- There are tons of stores that  have sales starting between midnight and 6AM. If he doesn’t have to be to work until 8AM, you’re totally golden
• Ask someone to be your elf- If you can’t make it, make a list of must-haves and have a pal snatch up as many deals as she can. If she only gets one or two things, you’ve still saved a little moola

Don’t let the thrill of Black Friday chaos lure you out with your children. The deals may be mind-blowing, but the risk to your tots isn’t worth it. Bake some cookies, watch A Christmas Story for the thousandth time, cuddle up by your freshly decorated tree and tell your boyfriend that he better take Black Friday off next year.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.

A Reader Asks:

My son is 2 weeks old and the nights are really rough. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I can’t put him down for 10 minutes without him becoming fussy. People told me my the first month or so would hard, but I had no idea how true that is until now. I need some sleep BAD. Why is my newborn so fussy at night?

Jessi Says:

Wow. I’ve been there, mama. Three times.

The nights were so rough the first few weeks, I wondered how anyone could possibly want to have more than one baby. Why would you put yourself through such torture more than once? I even broke down and called my mom in the middle of the night a couple times, bawling my eyes out. I frequently asked her why she would subject herself to two more children after living through the first. It’s nothing short of masochism.

Then I had two more.

Sleepless nights are ugly while they’re going on, but like childbirth, your love for your child overrides the temporary pain of it. A mother’s heart is bigger than any midnight crankiness, or days you’re so tired you walk into walls.

So why is this baby so fussy?

I’m sure you’ve heard someone talk about her baby’s days and nights being “mixed up” and there’s some truth to it. When your baby was occupying your uterus, he was in a nearly constant state of darkness, so the concept of “day” and “night” didn’t exist.

What he did know was, you were at rest at certain times of the day, so he wasn’t being rocked by your movements (while you walked around, exercised or swayed to music) and he didn’t have your soothing voice to lull him to sleep. Your daily activity was actually helping him rest better.

When you were pregnant, did you ever notice that as soon as you sat down to read a book or snuggled into bed for the night, your little man would start bopping around like a crazy person? That’s exactly what’s happening now, except he’s in the outside world, and can voice his need for attention.

I wish I could tell you I have a miracle cure for what ails ya, but I don’t.

There are (thankfully) ways to work with his schedule to get some sleep until his internal clock shifts to a more reasonable schedule.

• Take naps during the day. If he’s napping, follow his lead. It may be difficult to adjust to at first, but your body needs rest and you have to get it when you can. Don’t waste that precious time on cleaning or doing dishes. Those things will wait. Trust me
• Enlist help. If you’re parenting with a partner, make sure that he or she is taking turns with the overnight responsibilities. If you’re going it alone, ask for help. You have family and friends who want to be there for you. This is great time to take them up on it. They’d rather take night duty a couple times than see you miserable
• Don’t turn on the lights. If he’s up before the sun, don’t turn on bright lights or watch exciting TV shows. Making a “daytime” atmosphere confuses your message that this is sleep time. If you need some light, use a small lamp or nightlight. It may be boring, but it’s more restful for both of you
• Let him hear you. Babies like sound, especially your voice. If he needs to hear you singing softly or reading a book quietly, the sound of your voice may soothe him to sleep faster
• If you’ve fed and changed him and he’s still fussy, he might have a tummy-ache. Take turns rubbing his back and belly to relieve any gas that might be causing him discomfort. You can also lay him on his back and gently push his legs up so his knees come to his chest. He may toot or belch his way to happily groggy

Hang in there, sister. Every parent has been where you’re at, and many of us went on to have other little ones afterward. You WILL survive this and even laugh about it some day. As an added bonus, you can hold it over his head when he’s a teenager. It gives the “Because I said so” defense some more firepower.

“Why can’t I sleep in? It’s Saturday.”

“Sleep? SLEEP? When you were a baby, I never got WINK of sleep and you didn’t care what day it was. You can’t sleep in, because I say so. See you in 10 minutes.”

See? It all works out in the end. Someday he’ll be asking you why his newborn is so fussy, and you’ll have a story to tell.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.

Photo: flickr.com/photos/tandemracer/536589614/

Parents can give their youngsters a significant head-start if they take some simple steps to teach children to count before they ever step foot into a classroom. Your son will appear to be a miniature Einstein if he starts preschool with the ability to count.

If you feel intimidated by the teaching process, take a deep cleansing breath and hear me out. It’s really as easy as one, two, three (bad joke, totally intended). You already have the tools to teach children to count; it’s just a matter of sneaking them into your day to day activities.

Teach Children to Count from an Early Age

Generally, children won’t verbally count along with you until they are around two years old, but you can introduce the concept well before then. They may be speaking Baby-Babblese, but they’re listening in English, and their little brains are like knowledge-hungry sponges.

Your mind would totally be blown if you knew how much Jr. is understanding and retaining. Take advantage of this time now. Not only is he a rapid learner, but he hasn’t learned the ancient, offspring art of talking back (trust me, it comes soon enough). Introducing counting concepts while he’s a dinky dude will nourish his need for brain-food and it won’t even feel like work, for either of you.

Baby’s Body: The Abacus He’s Born With

There’s no need to spend a ton of dough on fancy-pants teaching tools. Your baby is born with the best counting device on the planet, his body. One button nose, two sparkly eyes, ten wiggly fingers…you get the picture.

Using his natural abacus to teach him to count comes with two added bonuses:

• He’ll learn that numbers aren’t just clever words, but actually represent values

• While he’s learning to count, he’s also learning about his basic anatomy

These are both concepts that teachers are looking for at preschool evaluations. Your little wonder will be throwing off the curve, right from the get-go. Take a bow. You’re on your way to the coveted “My child is an honor student” bumper sticker already.

When to Teach Children to Count

The best time to teach children to count is during diaper changes and bath time for four reasons:

1. You’re already engaged in an one-on-one activity
2. All of his cute little digits are already out and about
3. He’s naturally playful at this time and you’re his favorite toy
4. Your baby is less likely to try squirming away if he’s focused on you

Extra-mega-super bonus: If you use bath time…you’re also teaching him how to bathe himself. How’s that for awesome?

Two Basic Ways to Teach Children to Count

Bath Time

Wash his hair and face first. These are usually a baby’s least favorite parts of bath time. Very few infants like getting their faces wet. Thrashing and general resistance do not a teachable moment make. Your efforts are better spent on soothing than worrying about numbers.

Body washing time is counting time. Once the not-so-fun bathing requirements are met, you can move on to some splash-tastic learning. The technique is simple:

• Wash him in the natural order you want him to learn to bathe himself in (head to toes)

• Use a playful tone and happy, silly facial expressions as you speak (remember, this is a game)

• As you wash each part, count and name the body part (1 cute tummy)

• Pair like parts together (1 ear, 2 ears-1 arm, 2 arms)

• Get detailed (name elbows, heels, shoulders, etc.)

After your water-baby is clean, let him splash around and enjoy some free play-time.

Diaper Changes

Tickling your baby is practically a natural response to seeing his sweet little toes, chubby tummy, and chunky baby-thighs. You can use this built-in play time to teach basic counting skills, as well as cuddle and bond.

Once you’ve conquered the malodorous stink-bomb and all is right with the world, spend a minute or two playing and counting. The idea is very similar to the bath time counting technique, except it’s easier to kiss fingers and toes when you’re not worrying about all that pesky drowning stuff.

• Say each body part as you count (sound familiar?)

• Kiss or tickle the parts (you can even throw in the occasional raspberry) while you’re counting (babies like the warm-fuzzies of loving touches)

• Vary your concentration with each change (count parts of the face one time, fingers the next)

• Keep it silly (even babies learn better when they don’t feel they’re being taught)

• Get detailed (is there an echo in here?)

Multi-tasking is a parent’s best friend. If you can goof around while you’re carrying out your everyday care AND educate your precious little ones, you’ll feel like a world-beater. Using daily activities to teach children to count can be as entertaining as it is valuable for everyone involved.

A reader asks:

I have my first baby on the way and am starting to get really nervous. From feeding, to bathing, and everything in between and beyond, there is just so much to know. I have a lot of friends with children and they make it look so natural and effortless. I’m afraid to tell them that I’m doubting my own parenting abilities. How do I know that I’ll be a good parent?

Jessi says:

The wait for baby is an exciting and nerve-racking time for EVERY new parent-to-be. If you talk to a parent who says that she (or he) never had any pre-baby jitters, she’s either trying to help calm your fears, or embarrassed to admit that she’s human. D0n’t get bogged down by what appears to be easy for others. You said it yourself, they “make it look” so effortless. It comes with practice. I know that I’m not the same mom with my third baby as I was with my first. There’s an evolution that takes place in the heart and mind of every parent and it comes with experience.

There is a lot to learn, but no one expects you to know everything off the bat. Even the most seasoned parenting veteran has an “Um…what do I do” moment just about every day. Babies, and children in general, don’t come with directions. There’s a reason for that (besides the obvious discomfort and paper cut potential at delivery); all parents and children are different.

When it comes to the basics, such as bathing, feeding and swaddling, there are plenty of resources from the get-go. You have nurses, family, and friends that can share those techniques with you.

If you forget something or need clarification, just ask. Other parents are always a great resource and happy to help. If you’re bashful, hop online and check out a site you trust, like Advice4Parenting.com for instance (pardon the shameless plug, I’m human, too.) Thanks to the Internet, you have 24 hour access to helpful information.

As for the other more surprising parenting responsibilities like what to do if your son eats a caterpillar, trust your instincts. Trust me, you may not realize you have them, but they’re there. Parents need to listen to that inner voice and go with their guts. If you feel he needs a doctor, take him. If you feel he’s not developing at the right pace, consult a specialist. If he ate a caterpillar, call his doctor, and then laugh when you know everything is okay. By the way, none of my boys have eaten a caterpillar…yet.

The keys to being a good parent are trusting yourself and loving your child. The answers will come to you. If you’re still nervous about something, contact some support, whether that means your mom, your pediatrician, or the good folks online that have been there.

Don’t let your fears overcome your joy and put undue stress and pressure on you. If you’re thinking about the future and asking questions, you’re already a good parent.

Jessi Arias-Cooper is the senior writer and an editor for Advice4Parenting.com. She is a work-from-home mother of 3 boys and has been married for 10 years. If she had time for hobbies and interests outside of parenting and keeping house, they would be jewelry making, baking, watching bad B-movie horror flicks and creative writing . If you have a question for Jessi, click here.